Alimony has a long history uniquely tied to the history of divorce and women’s rights dependent on and independent of their husbands. In modern times, where we aspire to treat men and women equally, alimony is relatively rare. Few recent statistics are available, but as of 2015, only about 8 to 10% of divorces involved alimony. 

But what accounts for the low rates? What disqualifies you from alimony? In this article, we explore what alimony is, including a brief history leading into modern spousal support laws. We further discuss how to get alimony, what factors affect your likelihood of getting alimony and what makes alimony less likely or impossible to get.

What is alimony?

Alimony is a somewhat outdated term for payments one spouse or former spouse makes to the other:

Many states have replaced the term alimony to distinguish it from the gendered standards established in alimony’s early days, where wives but not husbands could usually request alimony. Usually, states authorize “spousal maintenance” or “spousal support.” For simplicity in the face of the varying terms, we use “alimony” here.

How to get alimony

There are two ways to get alimony: voluntary agreement or court order. 

How to get alimony through a voluntary agreement depends on you, your spouse and your priorities. Your spouse may agree to pay alimony based on, for example:

How to get alimony through court usually begins with filing for dissolution of marriage or divorce. You may ask for temporary alimony while the case is pending. Then, you present evidence supporting your request in a court hearing before the judge decides whether to order your spouse to pay alimony following the divorce.

What qualifies a spouse for alimony?

Most states establish specific factors determining what qualifies a spouse for alimony and what disqualifies you from alimony. Some states don’t consider fault-related factors, though many still do.

Factors unrelated to fault

Whether a judge should award alimony typically depends on each spouse’s:

Courts also particularly consider the length of the marriage, especially when marriages are long and involve career interruptions.

Many courts also consider the marital standard of living. In essence, the marital standard of living is the standard of living the parties enjoyed while they were married. For example, if your marital standard of living involved living in a large house and taking expensive vacations, those costs will be assessed in calculating your reasonable financial needs after divorce.

Fault-related factors

Among states that consider fault for the divorce related to alimony, courts may consider the following factors:

Other misconduct may include, for example:

Pro-tip:

Financial and emotional abuse are often harder to prove and describe than physical abuse, but both play significant roles in divorce. If your spouse has victimized you using these less evident forms of abuse, you may have learned to accept less than you’re entitled to. Consider speaking with a lawyer before agreeing to surrender your rights during divorce, including the right to request alimony.

What disqualifies you from alimony?

The circumstances that may disqualify you from alimony vary depending on the state. Generally, you won’t be eligible for alimony if you make significantly more than your partner. Likewise, if you can meet your reasonable needs through your own income, you won’t qualify.

Some states place additional limits on alimony—or even disqualify spouses from getting it altogether—based on two primary factors: adultery and the length of marriage.

How does cheating affect alimony?

So, how does cheating affect alimony? Different states allow judges to consider adultery to a greater or lesser extent.

Approximately 19 states don’t authorize consideration of adultery in alimony awards, including:

The 31 states that do authorize consideration of adultery may be divided into three categories: 

The following states allow judges to consider adultery only if the cheating itself creates a financial need in the faithful spouse’s life:

For example, an unfaithful spouse who wastes away a couple’s savings on their affair partner may owe alimony.

The largest group includes states where adultery is among the many factors a judge may consider, including:

The following states have laws declaring unfaithful spouses surrender their right to alimony by cheating:

Finally, North Carolina affirmatively instructs courts to grant alimony to one spouse if the other cheated.

How does marriage length affect alimony?

Some states severely limit alimony for short marriages or only authorize alimony in marriages that last for a set period. For example:

So depending on the state, not being married long enough may disqualify you from alimony.

Balance of the factors

Apart from those special cases, whether you get alimony depends on a holistic evaluation of the unique circumstances in your relationship. You may be less likely to receive alimony if you:

What disqualifies you from alimony, then, in the absence of exceptional factors, is a court concluding the circumstances don’t justify it. In short, courts should award alimony only if it’s just and equitable to do so.

Voluntary or court-ordered awards of alimony

Qualifying for or being disqualified from alimony is a question of the relationship between many interrelated factors. Whether a court will award alimony depends on the overall circumstances, including each spouse’s conduct, financial circumstances and ability to support themself.

Most divorces don’t go to court, so most alimony awards arise from negotiations between spouses. If you’re considering divorce and may request alimony or expect your spouse to request it, you may fare better with an attorney’s help. Your lawyer can advise you about your state’s laws and quirks, help you negotiate with your spouse and represent you in any necessary court hearings.